What I want to know, is:

Are You Speaking Customer?

Do you know who your customers are?  Where do they live and work and how much disposable income/budget do they have for spending on your product?  What type of experience does your customer have, from initial telephone call, to finished deal?  Do you keep in touch?  Are you aware of all the things about your business that annoy (and are you trying to minimise/eliminate those), and all the things that please?

Are Your Staff Muppets?  Yes, quite probably.

No, I’m not talking about the gloriously-made Jim Henson masterpieces.  I’m talking about those who answer the phone; those who design/update your website; those who sell your product; those who provide support; those who attend networking meetings.

My last woeful customer experience experience was, oh… 24 hours ago.  I was asked by a supplier to send in a document, which I had, five months ago.  They had seen neither hide nor hair of it.  I sent it in again, dutifully.  It disappeared.  I sent it in again, along with a complaint.  Not only was my complaint not dealt with, I was sent a letter to say I needn’t have sent it in again (as requested) as they’d ‘found’ the original.  Explanation of this muppetry?  It was ‘on someone else’s desk’.  See?  Muppets.  I’m cancelling my contract A-SAP.

See, what I want, as a customer is quick, efficient service.  I do not want to be blamed for your lack of attention to detail.  I do not want to be harangued when you make a mistake.  I am not interested in excuses.  Just get the job done.  That’s all.  And, be pleasant.  I will not continue to give you my money, if you’re unpleasant.  I’m narky that way.

Is the Whole Process One Big Painful Throbbing Abcess?  Well, erm… truthfully?  Yes.

OK.  Here’s the thing.  When I walk into your showroom, I do not want to trip over stuff?  I do not want to receive email after email telling me why things are delayed.  I cannot bear to have to ring you up to get an update, that the law states you should provide me with, without prompting; it stresses me out.  I do not want to begin having doubts as soon as I see your perma-streaky-tanned ‘beauty’ assistant welcome me without a shadow of self-doubt.

Confidence is important if I’m gonna put myself and my cash in your hands.  I need to feel totally at ease.  Nothing better upset my equilibrium.  I want all worry to dissipate, as I bask in your professional service cocoon.  This means I will come back, again and again, without even pricing around with anyone else.  I want safety, I want consistency.  And I don’t mind paying for it.  And, if it’s good… if it’s very, very good, I’ll tell everyone I know.

Go on, impress me, I dare you!  Seriously.  If you’ve a product or service that you want to show off, send it to me or email me and let me know.  If it beats everything else hands down, I’ll review it for free on the blog.  I’m especially interested in NI products and services.

Do you actually care anyway?  No?  Well, it shows.

I knew it!  You couldn’t give a stuff.  I came into your store looking for a certain item and you couldn’t be bothered to figure out whether it was something you supplied, or whether it could be ordered it.  In the interests of fairness, I have to link to one place that springs to mind that always rings to check if they can get the item in another store.

If you care, I know you believe in your product.  If you simply slap down my plate of champ and sausages, I know it was probably not prepared with care, and my appetite disappears.  You’ve spoiled my lunch-hour.  I won’t go back.  If you clean the table infront of me, sweeping crumbs and who-knows-what-else onto my lap, I begin to lose the will to live.  And, I might come back to haunt you…

What needs to happen is for me to feel like a princess, like I’ve got my own personal shopper.  Like you actually care.  Make me feel like you’re courting me, like nothing would be too much trouble, like you don’t want to make a mistake, your good side always on show.  Like time or effort is not an issue.  Then, I’ll be your customer forever.

Maybe some business out there would like to demonstrate how they have dealt with the issues mentioned?  Have you dealt with trained the muppets?  Have you lanced the abcess?  Do you even care?

By the way… we’re always up for training a few muppets.  If you’re a business owner employing muppets, remember, they’re only as good as their operator!  Get in contact if you need some help.

It seems that a certain English airport is bucking the trend. East Midlands Airport recorded its busiest year on record in 2008, despite the tough economic climate (Airport has ‘busiest year ever’).  This is against a backdrop of a weak pound, an economic downturn, and a growing distaste of air travel among the political elite (except when it comes to themselves).  So did they achieve this feat?

The words of the airport manger are instructive.  She said that despite the decline, East Midlands Airport remained “committed to improving the customer experience and our facilities.”  The increase in customer figures is a sure sign that “the efforts we have made to improve the East Midlands Airport experience for our customers have been successful.”

I went to their website to see if this language was a blip or part of their instinct and thought-pattern.  Here’s what they say as the first point in their Company Values: ‘We believe that your journey through our airport should be a uniquely positive experience; smooth, efficient and hassle-free. We value our people and invest in them to help deliver ever-improving customer service.’

It’s all experience, experience, experience with these people.  That’s why it’s also profit, profit, profit.  Perhaps this was the line in the new article that impacted me the most.  The airport manager said that by these means they aimed to “take full advantage of the economic recovery” when it arrives!  Already looking beyond and building towards the end of the recession!  That’s vision for you.  That’s why they’ll succeed.

I want to help you succeed too.  That’s why I’m holding a 1-day workshop in Queen’s University on 19 March 2009 called Managing Customer Experience.  Here’s what we’ll cover.

“The 21st century marketplace is brutally competitive. Recent research confirms that customer loyalty is more a result of how customers feel about doing business with you, rather than what they think about your products or services in a detached way. Businesses that provide satisfying service gain their customers’ loyalty in the form of repeat business and referrals – the ‘holy grail’ of customer service. The most successful companies achieve this goal by managing the total customer experience. The name of this new thinking is Customer Experience Management (CEM). CEM is concerned with planning how you will not only meet, but exceed, both the rational and emotional needs of your customers. In this workshop you will gain an understanding of the building-blocks of a satisfying customer experience and create interactions that turn average customers into your campaigners.”

This workshop is part of the Queen’s University CPD Short Course Programme.  Download a 2008/9 Brochure, or take a look at the List of Courses.

To register, fill in the Booking Form.  Alternatively To book a place, phone Marc Forte at the School of Education (Short Courses Programmes) on 028 9097 5260 or email cpd@qub.ac.uk.

See you there.

The man waits.  And waits.  And waits.  The till attendant sees him but is more concerned with finishing a conversation about last Friday’s pub-crawl.  This riveting dialogue – presumably with another ‘employee’ – is of first importance.  The customer is secondary; an interference, an impertinence, a fly on the ointment of another day’s pay-cheque.

So, conversation ended, a financial transaction occurs.  There are no words exchanged (to the customer).  There is no meeting of eyes, no friendly smile, or no exchange of repartee.  No bag is offered.  No time is taken.  No repeat custom will ensue.  Not that anyone cares.

Well, reader, I care.  For I am that man.  This incident happened on Tuesday.  And I’ve had enough.

Towards the end of last month I delivered at two day course on Customer Experience Management at Queen’s University Belfast.  CEM is based on the insight that the customer-provider relationship is centred on factors that transcend the financial and the functional.  Providers of goods and services must realise that a customer craves emotional value from the transaction.  Once this is catered for, customer loyalty and word-of-mouth marketing follow like juice from ripe grapes.

During this workshop I asked my international audience a question.  Alright, so we instantly suppose that our American cousins go overboard with their ‘missing you already’ mentality.  But if it’s a straight choice between this and the ‘couldn’t care less’ approach we are used to, which would you choose?

To my everlasting astonishment, the class was fairly evenly split.  I thought we would all plump for the American version, as shallow and sentimental as it might seem to the non-fluffy NI mindset.  Why?  Something is better than nothing.  Especially in the area of customer service, too much (if there is such a thing) is always superior to too little.

I’ve learned a great lesson from this.  Here, we get the standard of customer service we deserve.  As Dr Phil would put it, you teach people how to treat you.  A lifetime of putting up with crap has lowered our level of disgust and that is what we receive in return for our hard earned cash.  And if you don’t know who Dr Phil is, then you’ve still got a lot to learn from our successful, powerful and wealthy cousins across the Atlantic.

Personally, I don’t give a stuff if some hyper-keen till operator comes across as saccharin and schmaltzy.  I don’t care about ‘authenticity’ in that context.  If I want authenticity I’ll read a book by Jean-Paul Sartre or some other depressive.  What I do want is damn fine service, not a proposal of marriage.  I want to see good manners, a respectful attitude, and a positive outlook. Otherwise, I want another shop.

Is anyone out there with me?

The 21st century marketplace is brutally competitive. Recent research confirms that customer loyalty is more a result of how customers feel about doing business with you, than what they think about your products or services. Companies that satisfy their customers here gain their clients’ loyalty in the form of repeat business and referrals. The most successful companies utilize this by managing the total customer experience – not only meeting, but exceeding, both the rational and emotional needs of their customers. In this course you will gain an understanding of the building-blocks of a customer experience, learn how to manage your brand’s role, and create satisfying interactions that turn customers into campaigners.

You may also find our previous blog I Am Not a Number interesting.

26/02/08 & 27/02/08 – Customer Experience Management – 2-day workshop
Venue: Queen’s University, Belfast

Time: 9.30 – 4.30     Cost: £360

QUB is taking bookings for this event.  To book contact Marc Forte at QUB on 028 9097 5260/5261 or email m.forte@qub.ac.uk. Discounts are available for multiple bookings.