I like designing new workshops and working on new ideas as much as possible.  So far, I’ve only repeated one course within the Queen’s University Open Learning Programme.  That was my 1-day workshop called Body to Body: How To Communicate Without Words.  Read about it here.  Now, I intend to add to this repeated course hall of fame.  On Saturday, 31 May 2008 I delivered a workshop called Confident Conversations: How to Talk in Any Situation.  Or, as I called it my my post-workshop report blog, The Art of Talking Without Talking.

We will run this course again on Saturday 7 November 2009.  I’ve received word from Queen’s that there are already enough people enrolled for the course to get the official go-ahead.  So go ahead, sign up, you won’t be alone!

If you want to know more about the content or focus of this course, please lick on the links above.  To book a please, go to public events section of our current events schedule here.  You have to book through Queen’s rather than Sensei.

Look forward to talking to you there!

Image credit: [nati].

People’s heads are full of rubbish when it comes to this topic. They think that in order to be interesting they have to become a cross between Oscar Wilde and a stand-up comedian. This assumption is false. Here are the facts.

People make two mistakes in conversation: they either talk too little or too much. There is a common cause to these two symptoms. In both cases the person speaking focuses on themselves rather than the person they’re talking to.

A good conversationalist is someone who focuses on the other person rather than themselves. Dale Carnegie suggested (at least) three principles behind this:

(1) Become genuinely interested in other people.
(2) Encourage others to talk about themselves.
(3) Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Great advice, true, but Carnegie failed to map out how exactly we do these things. Here are my suggestions.

1. Become a good listener. Listening is the best way to show that you are paying attention. This does NOT mean sitting back and saying nothing! “Active listening” is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, to try and understand the total message being sent.

2. Use your own body language and gestures to convey the message that you are listening. Nod occasionally. Smile and use other facial expressions. Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like ‘yes’, and ‘uh-huh’.

3. Show you are truly interested in someone by asking questions. People find ice-breaking questions the hardest. Start with open-ended questions such as, ‘Tell me about your…’ or ‘How did you…’. Then follow-up with, ‘Why?’, ‘How did it happen?’, and, ‘What happened there?’

4. Pay total attention to the person you’re speaking to. Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Look at the speaker directly. Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal. Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

Now, look deeply into this screen and repeat after me:

If I want to be interesting, then I must become interested.

If you need encouragement in your quest, remember these wise and true words from Dale Carnegie himself.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Some talk too much; others strain to say anything.  It’s a skill that affects every area of our lives, yet we’re never trained for it.  This workshop will teach the art of conversation.  Participants will learn what topics to raise, how to connect with others, the role of reaction, ‘active listening’ and other skills for social savvy.

Following this workshop, you will:

• Be able to speak in an informed and winsome manner in any informal life situation
• Possess confidence in your own skill-set in the area of interpersonal communications
• Apply this knowledge in more formal speaking situations, such as interviews and networking opportunities

Venue: Queen’s University, Belfast

When: Saturday, 31/05/08

Time: 9.30 – 4.30

Cost: £23

QUB is hosting this event.  Please call the School of Education (Open Learning) on 028 9097 3539/3323 or email openlearning.education@aub.ac.uk to book your place.