Maybe you’ve heard the saying: What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.  At first flush it seems like nonsense, while sounding sort of cool.  If someone almost stabs you to death, surely that makes you weaker?

The phrase is from the German philosopher Fredrich Nietzsche.  Now psychologists have discovered he was right, if you make it a matter of resilience.

Resilience is the emotional skill that equips you to persevere in the face of setbacks, to bounce back after initial defeats, and to overcome obstacles in achieving your goals.  Resilience is very much related to the skill of optimism and is thus an aspect of positive psychology.  It is also related to emotional intelligence through motivation.

It was the tabloid headline that grabbed my attention.  WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU DOES MAKES YOU STRONGER.

We seem to fare better after facing a few knocks compared to those who sail through life with no problems.

A study has demonstrated how adverse experiences foster adaptability and resilience, with resulting advantages for mental health and well-being.

Suffering from life’s ups and downs also means that we are better equipped to deal with adverse events in the future compared to those who have not experienced any difficulties.

For a more in-depth account of this research, look up the following:

• Study Confirms: Whatever Doesn’t Kill Us Can Make Us Stronger
• Whatever does not kill us: Cumulative lifetime adversity, vulnerability, and resilience. (original article)
• Mark Seery (information about the main researcher)

It seems those ol’ philosophers knew a thing or two after all…

Image credit: krossbow.

OK, first for the film.  Jaden Smith, a little too young but believable enough in the part.  Jackie Chan, the performance of his life, massive respect for his athleticism and range of achievements, minimal respect for Rush Hour 3 (the only movie I’ve ever vacated midway).

The pacing dragged by about 12 minutes.  The love interest subplot seemed forced, even mildly disturbing.  The insertion of Mr Han’s tragic background was superfluous.  Awesome cinematography, sinister political big-brother type images.  Relatively realistic fight scenes (considering Chan’s previous form).  Dramatic tension remained high despite the inevitability of the outcome.  For me, the kung-fu temple bit constituted the highlight  of the film, with verbal chop-suey kept to a minimum.  Overall, different enough from the original to constitute an authentic remake – 7.5 out of 10.

Now for the deep and meaningful bit.

At the heart of the film lies one word – mentoring.  It is not a film about martial arts or teenage love or moving home.  It is about the relationship between an expert and a student.  It is about the passing of knowledge between the two.  It is about the art of teaching and the act of learning.  Learning a skill.  Learning about life.  And – dare I say it – learning about manhood.

Ah, I could write a blog on each on these.  In fact, in some cases, I already have.  All I want to do is to raise the question of whether mentoring is a teaching form whose time has come.  Mentoring seems to me to hold significant advantages over those other kinds of teaching – instructions and coaching.  Training-room instruction often lacks personal application; coaching can collapse into motivation minus content.  Mentoring conceives learning as a personal relationship in which skill-modelling and interactivity form the substance, not the extra.  Such teaching can only be applied, tested and fit for purpose.

This version of The Karate Kid famously focuses on kung-fu rather than karate.  Did you know that the term ‘kung-fu’ literally means “human achievement” in any area of life?  That’s why Mr Han says in the movie that “everything is kung-fu”.

Spoken like a true sensei!

Image credit: irina slutsky.

Guest Blog Post by Matthew Arrell

The confrontation has got to a point beyond fleeing.  There is not a moment to think or even a second to spare; this is the millisecond in which the outcome of the altercation will turn.  Everything depends on how you next react.

We’ll assume that you are in a situation where only the fight option is available.  I won’t go through all the various levels of force you can use as the scenarios are endless.  However, I will say that if you believe your life or that of your family or friends to be under threat, attack with 100% force and 100% aggression.  Do not use any less than all the force you can summon to your fists, feet, elbows, knees or makeshift weapon.

In this scenario, the attacker and you will both be unarmed.  If you wish to learn techniques to use against weapons then you need to  attend a weekly class to rehearse these skills.

Attack in front with distance

1. Eye strikes – both hands alternately with fingers and thumbs

2. Palm strike – with a slap or straight palm strike (like a jab), to the face, ears, throat or groin

3. Punches – if you are able to punch correctly, to the face or throat

4. Kicks – straight downward to the groin or shins (forget about those movie high kicks unless trained)

Attack in front – distance close

1. Eye gouges – both hands, grab the head or ears and work your thumbs into the eyes

2. Knees – to the groin, abdomen or face if they lean forward after groin strike

3. Head butt – lean back and quickly drive your forehead into their nose

4. Elbows – to the middle of the head

Attacker behind

1. Hammer fist – to the groin

2. Elbows – to the face, abdomen or groin

3. Eye gouges – reach round and go for the eyes with fingers and thumbs

4. Reverse head butt – lean forward and quickly throw your head back into his face

On the floor with attacker on top

1. Eye strikes/gouges – strike for the eyes or hold onto their ears and get the thumbs into the eyes

2. Upward kicks – if you’re thrown to the floor, start to kick up to the groin/abdomen/head as they try to get down to your level (kick straight with the sole of your foot)

3. Shin/knee kicks – if they stay standing, go for their shins or the front of their knee, again kick straight with the sole of your foot

These are the most common scenarios you could face on the street.  I’ve kept it as brief as possible because the last thing you need at this time is an army of options marching around in your head.  As for blocking punches and kicks from an attacker, this is something that you would have to be well practised at for effectiveness.

Another way to avoid kicks and punches is to simply move out of the line of fire.  Watch a boxer or kick boxer.  They will always circle towards their opponent’s weakest side.  They have watched previous matches in order to determine which side this is.  In real life we don’t have this luxury, so try and stay out of the way of whatever they are throwing at you.

Some boxers simply become overwhelmed with their opponents aggression.  Notice I didn’t say ‘skill’; I said ‘aggression’.  It doesn’t always win the fight but it certainly puts them on the back foot, confusing them and disrupting their game plan.  This is the exact same with an attacker who expects you to be submissive or at least an easy target.  Their game plan is to prey on the weak.  So what you should do is this:

1. Distract – Ask them a question like “why are you picking on me,” or make a statement, “I’m not a fighter, I don’t want any trouble”.  (This uses the criminals own dirty trick of asking people for the time or directions to somewhere in order to distract a victim for long enough to initiate their attack.)

2. Attack – Go for it while they are thinking for an answer and keep attacking until they are incapacitated for long enough for you to escape.  This may take one strike or a number of strikes.  Be aggressive and violent, as you will increase your chances of doing damage, and if not, it will at least make them think twice about continuing their attack on you.

3. Pull back – Once you have that opportunity to get out of harm’s way, use it and run to a safe area.

Geoff Thompson is the expert from whom I’ve taken many of my tips on personal security; some of his ideas are incorporated into this blog.  He would recommend that punching is a must and I would agree, but only if you are comfortable with it – it is an awesome tool to have.  For more information on the wider subject of how to protect yourself against aggression, please read my previous blog post, as well as Allen’s realistic thoughts on self-defence for women.  Finally, draw your attention to the fact that a good level of physical fitness goes a long way to keeping you safe on those mean streets.  It’s difficult to flee or fight when you’re fat!

Image credit: polinasergeeva.

Matthew Arrell is a Strength and Conditioning Coach.  You can join his Facebook Page to find contact details.  Matthew’s previous Guest Blogs:

The Benefits of Exercise

12 Tips for a Lighter Christmas

Fear of failure, that’s easy to understand.  For some people, failure means shame and permanent defeat.  Maybe they haven’t learned the mantra: there is no failure, only feedback.  But fear of success?  Ridiculous!  But pause a second.  Why else do we sometimes set ourselves up for failure – self-sabotage – before we’ve even begun?

One article lists the ways we do this very thing. Any sound familiar?

• “Partying” the night before the big presentation
• Procrastination
• All talk, no action
• Negative, pessimistic thoughts and behaviours

Another articles takes us, I think, a little deeper down. It illustrates ‘fear of success’ by the following behaviours:

• Impostor Syndrome – feeling unqualified and unskilled to deserve any success achieved
• Discomfort with change – confidence is limited to familiar and repetitive tasks
• Good luck illusion – feeling that luck plays a great role to success and lacking it is unsolvable
• Loser mentality – finding rewards in self pity, dependency or complacency due to underemployment or a lack of challenge
• Fear of greater expectations – expectation that if success comes, other will expect more of the same results in the future

There are many different reasons why people fear success.  Sports coaches in particular are familiar with this phenomenon.

So now that we’ve recognised what fear of success is, what can we do about it? One author recommends six strategies:

1. Figure out why you’re sabotaging your goals.  Just accepting your reasons will give you a sense of freedom.

2. Prepare yourself.  The more you prepare, the more your fears may subside.

3. Accept failure as part of succeeding.  If you try and fail, you’ll gain experience, education, contacts, and self-confidence.

4. Be scared.  Feeling the fear and doing it anyway will help you overcome fear of success.

5. Compete against yourself – not others.  Competition in which one person must lose in order for us to win tends to undermine the best in most of us.

6. See your skills as changeable.  Research shows that if you think your professional skills and abilities are fixed, then you’ll become anxious if you’re successful.

My interest in it was sparked off during a lunchtime conversation with Mrs Sensei.  Researching this topic was uncomfortable.  Some of it hit a little too close to home for me.  What about you?

Image credit: csc4u.

I had a mini-epiphany the other day.  This happens to me recurrently, especially after eating my wife’s curry.   I take it as yet another proof of the mind-body linkage.  What happens is that there are two bits of information floating around in my brain that suddenly decide they are related.  As a consequence, I go Eureka!

This time it has to do with the thought of two seemingly different guys.  The first is Martin Seligman, about whom you’ve heard plenty from me before.  Seligman holds that there are three paths to happy lives, or three possible routes to happiness.   They also constitute three overlapping fields of research in the field of positive psychology.

Here is how he describes them:

“First the Pleasant Life, consisting in having as many pleasures as possible and having the skills to amplify the pleasures.  This is, of course, the only true kind of happiness on the Hollywood view.  Second, the Good Life, which consists in knowing what your signature strengths are, and then recrafting your work, love, friendship, leisure and parenting to use those strengths to have more flow in life.  Third, the Meaningful Life, which consists of using your signature strengths in the service of something that you believe is larger than you are.”

The second guy is called Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher in the 19th century.  As far as I can remember from my graduate days, he has many interesting things to say about the pleasures of anticipation, repetition and recollection.  Among other things, he believed that there are three ‘stages on life’s way’:

The aesthetic – The aesthetic is the realm of sensory experience and pleasures.   To live the aesthetic life to the fullest one must seek to maximize those pleasures.  This is an immature stage.

The ethical – The ethical life is based on a consistent, coherent set of rules established for the good of society.  The ethical person considers the effect his or her actions will have on others and gives more weight to promoting social welfare than to achieving personal gain.

The religious – The religious life focuses on self-exploration.   Kierkegaard considers the religious life to be the highest plane of existence.  He also believes that almost no one lives a truly religious life.  For Kierkegaard, this life is exclusively personal; large-scale religion distracts people from real relationships.

Do you see the similarities between their two visions?

Yes, there are interesting differences too.  For instance, Seiligman’s final stage widens out to embrace the larger view, whereas Kierkegaard’s collapses into the personal.  Also, I suspect that Seligman views his three stages as complementary, with each new stage enveloping the one below it.  Kierkegaard seems to paint a picture of conflict between them.

Anyway, if nothing else, this blog has given you an idea of what happens in my brain after I eat curry…

Image credit: blogger’s own.