Series 7 is under way.  The first episode on the current series was shown on 10 May.  Catch up on the first two episodes of The Apprentice.  Then, come back and join the debate here.

Allegedly, the Alan Sugar’s apprentices have been selected from the country’s top minds and sharpest entrepreneurial figures.  And, what do we get?  Read on.

Spoiler Alert: the first two episodes, including who got fired, are discussed below.  And, you can read more on BBC – The Apprentice.

Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit, when there are footsteps on the moon.

Surely, we think, they’re joking. I think the less drivel-spouting contestants may be able to survive the barrage of drivel by adopting some of Sarcastics Anonymous.  It’s a simple strategy (oh no, there’s another buzz-word!).

Either that, or I volunteer to run a five-minute workshop, to help contestants understand the concept of a metaphor.

Edward, who was fired in episode 1, seemed a likeable-enough guy, yet his mouth seemed to run away with him.  I counted three instances of the following phrase, within as many minutes.

You’ve just got to roll with the punches.

And, in defence of his action throughout that week’s task…

Not only am I the youngest in the team, I’m the shortest…

The others up for firing in the episode remained strangely controlled, revealing only the briefest of smirks.

His failure?  It came down to an inability to express himself clearly or succinctly.  Lord Sugar is known for curtailing pontificators, mercilessly.

Alex was fired in episode 2.  I blame the Welsh  sideburns – that’s all I have to say on the matter.

Most bizarre moment

Edna’s gloves distracted from what she was trying to say throughout her pitch.

Star of the show so far: Jim Eastwood

At Sensei Towers, our money is on the man from Cookstown, Jim Eastwood.  He’s referred to variously on the hilarious Apprentice Twitter streams as SoupMan, or as Allen prefers, JediJim.  Follow the brutal – but entertaining – live tweeting on The Apprentice.

Noobs may find the following useful:

PM Project manager.

“Group hug!”          Let’s indulge in some corporate bonding for the cameras.

OK, guys, let’s strategise We need to figure out what the heck we’re doing before the car reaches the market stall. Oh, we’re here.

Roll with the punches. Keep your chin up, even when you know you’ve in way over your head.

Are you following?  If so, have you formed any opinions yet on who might win?  Or, who might be fired next?  Answers on a comment below.

Image credit: jamescronin.

I debated whether to call this blog post, Stand, Breathe and Deliver, or perhaps The Oxygenated Highwayman.  You figure it out!

What a Meeting is Not

A meeting is not:

• A talking shop, for discussing and debating.
• An opportunity to catch up with the social gossip within your organisation.
• A chance to bitch about the staff/management en masse.

If your meetings include any of these activities, eliminate them and reclaim your time.

At All Costs, Avoid Having a Meeting At All

Few people enjoy meetings.  Become the darling of your management team by suggesting sane alternatives:

1. Pick up the phone and ask a question.
2. Send an email with Voting Buttons or a Survey to elicit opinions or a series of swift decisions.
3. If you need only keep people informed or share documents:
   1. learn how to use Google Docs
   2. if you have more money to spend, ask IT to set up a simple intranet site
   3. if you fancy yourself a competent writer, start an internal blog.

If a meeting is still considered necessary, hold a Stand-Up Meeting – see below.

There are only three rules. Stand, Breathe and Deliver.

Hold a Stand-Up Meeting

Stand-up meetings are characterised by the following:

• Invite the team involved on a project, not every manager in the building.
• Attendees stand, rather than sit.
• Meetings are generally brief (5-15 minutes), due to the eventual discomfort of standing so long in one place.
• There are no life-draining, convoluted series of welcomes, points arising, matters pertaining thereunto, thank-yous, discussions, deliberations or any other such nonsense.

I reserve my right to indulge in a little sarcasm, having once worked for an organisation where full-day meetings (with tea-breaks and specially ordered-in lunch) were too regular to dismiss as anomalies; they were planned this way.

• All members are encouraged to speak (briefly), sometimes using a visual prompt (such as a conch, as in Lord of the Flies).
• Updates state progress, impediments to progress and prompt immediate solutions.  I have seen this format work extremely well in  software development companies, where it has been adopted enthusiastically, probably because it fits snugly with the Agile project management style.

Have a Meeting in a Forest (or Other Non-Man-Made Location)

Get your staff or managers out of the office for an hour, and into nature.  I highly recommend beside a gushing waterfall.  You can almost get drunk on the high oxygen in such places.  Oxygen, exercise, and space are all essential for energy, creativity, problem-solving, motivation, brainstorming, and those of us who are right-brain dominant (for which our schools, colleges, workplaces and world have no place to play).

If this is impossible (due to narrow-mindedness, what else?), a local cafe might provide at least a walk in the fresh air, which always invigorates thinking.

Insist on Delivery

Assign tasks to named individuals.  Ensure everyone is sent a summary of the main points by email.  I recommend a massively pared-down version of minutes, if at all.

Insist on Delivery Before the Four Horsemen of Armageddon Arrive

Interpret this how you will.  Insist on delivery of the tasks assigned to individuals before either the universe implodes, the staff retention rate reaches unacceptable levels, the FSA sends their men in black coats, profits sink, or Friday is upon you.  In other words, date tasks.

Further, ask for a (not necessarily written) report on how the task went at the beginning of the next meeting. Slackers and procrastinators will soon get used to being held accountable to their peers. When you encounter persistent, malignant non-compliance, train or fire.  It’s a simple deterrant.

That’s about all I have to say.  Trust me.  I’ve been there.  Think of what my new BFF Richard Koch would say.

Koch would say 80% of meetings are a waste of time.  And, 80% of time your spent at meetings is wasted.  He’d tell you to prioritise and choose the 20% of meetings that are a effective use of your time, and attend those.  And, be aware that while you’re there, you’ll only find 20% of THAT time is actually effectively spent.

In other words, go back to where I said, At All Costs, Avoid Having a Meeting at All.

Darn it but I loved The A-Team as a boy!  For me, this was the film of the summer.  Reviews have been mixed. This reflects my own judgment of the final product.   But as a concept it still has class!

In a venture like this, casting is everything, more important than plot or even dialogue.  They had to look and feel the part, they had to have that chemistry of camaraderie that gave The A-Team its magic.  IMHO the movie has it in spades, perhaps even more than the original TV series.  Team-bonding and teamwork are the heart of the matter.  And the four guys made us believe that they belonged together, fought together, and would happily have died together.  Slam-dunk right there!

Issues?  Too much emphasis on Faceman.  He is a quarter of the whole but the movie made him more, even allowing him to usurp Hannibal’s role as planner at the end.  Too much unnecessary swearing for me.  If you’re going to shoot it as a movie for adults, then make it an 18 and be done with it.  And the main bad-guy – Agent Lynch – was cartoonish and grating in the extreme, two parts frat-boy and one part politician.

For those of you who’re burning to know what The A-Team actually means, please peruse the following blogs:

• I Love It When An Archetype Comes Together #1
• I Love It When An Archetype Comes Together #2
• I Love It When An Archetype Comes Together #3

I pity the fool who doesn’t read these blog posts!

Image credit: simononly.

They both have stuff to teach businesses, that’s what!  There have been quality BBC articles and vids recently on new sources of inspiration for business development.  One was comedy.  You don’t have to think too hard to realise that the skills necessary in stand-up – creativity, improvisation, confidence, communication – are directly transferable to the world of work.

Neil Mullarkey leads the way here.  You can read about his training organisation – called Improvyourbiz – and workshops here.

The next was about the use of wolves to model leadership and team-working skills! I noticed that several other coaching and training blogs have flagged up this remarkable story.  However they didn’t provide any more information than was in the original article.

Using my amazing research skills I’ve managed to track this story to its source.  The organisation who runs the training is called Team Venture.  The exact name of this course is ‘Natural Leaders – Trainings with Wolves and Horses for Executives’.  Chief instructor Dr. Janet Nagel, an Outdoor Trainer with a PhD in Engineering and project management experience at executive level.

As a trainer, I find both these directions extremely exciting.  It makes me wonder, What other untapped areas of learning experience exist out there?  Anyone for Star Wars?

Image credit: belgianchocolate.

This two day workshop will take place on Wednesday – Thursday, 17-18 February 10, 09:30-16:30.  Speaker: Dawn Baird.

The realities of modern work life – flat structures, tough workloads and the need to exert influence across traditional boundaries – ensure that assertiveness skills are not an optional extra.  Aggression is unacceptable; passivity is ineffective.

Previous attendees of this workshop have said:

Met and surpassed.  Enjoyed especially session on emotional intelligence – had heard about it but didn’t know alot about it.  Really enjoyable course.  Professional trainers and also enthusiastic participants helped to make it enjoyable and relevant to me.

Emma Rollins, Assistant Tourism Development Officer, Ards Council

I found the course very interesting and practical, the blend of theory and practical solutions on how to behave assertively exceed my expectations before the course.   I really enjoyed the course.  I thought Dawn and Allen were great trainers who put the group at ease and explained their subject matter very well.

Elaine Vaughan, HR Officer, Police Ombudsman

In this workshop you will learn a powerful set of techniques and how to use them in specific workplace scenarios, such as when negotiating or influencing.  Also covered are the relationships between assertiveness and more general work-related issues, like the conflict created when giving criticism and receiving feedback.

Allen Baird will no longer be c0-speaking at this event, as originally announced.

To book a place, contact Marc Forte at the School of Education (Short Courses Programmes) on 028 9097 5260 or email cpd@qub.ac.uk.

Image credit: prajuvikas.