How to Suck at Networking #1
Networking used to be such a daunting experience. I sucked at it. I sometimes still do – when I forget to ditch the following dubious practices.
But, I’m getting better. Read the blog – it may just save your networking life.
Health warning: this blog post was written with a sarcastic tongue firmly embedded in one cheek!
Throw your business cards out like confetti
You never know who that person (who was calmly standing by the train station platform, minding their own business) might know. The scattergun approach is best. The more places your card exists out there, the more opportunities, and those customers will start hammering the door down. There is no need to explain who you are, or why you’re there. Just dish out the cards, and move on to the next person.
Avoid attending any organised networking meetings
You may have to share damp biscuits with someone you have never met. This would start an awkward conversation, which may lead to complicated queries about what you actually do, which inevitably delays the route to the buffet. It’s all about the free food.
Avoid meeting the speaker, everyone knows they’re just there to promote themselves and couldn’t possibly turn out to be a good person for you to talk to.
Be especially suspicious about the trend for informal networking meetings
No such good can come from a combination of dubious facial hair, denim and Covey. Casual networking is about as welcome as an arm-waver at a fundamentalist rally!
If you attended such a gathering, you would most certainly be expected to converse around a small, awkward coffee table, sitting on trendy, red leather, tub chairs, “chatting”.
You may even be encouraged to “share”, to more than one person at a time. Euww! The people would be “nice”, but would real sales take place?
Not everyone would arrive at once and topics would vary from business to real life, thus wasting time. Besides, they always hold them on the night Holby is on. And, of course, you don’t want to miss all the shenanigans.
In other words, a total waste of time.
For goodness sakes, stop wasting time on Facebook!
Everyone knows Facebook is frequented only by students and other lowlives. Why would a grown adult want to be on Facebook? It’s full of dangerous people and makes us all less sociable. Furthermore, there are no e-commerce options on there, so how’s anyone ever going to buy your product!? To be honest, I’m not sure that my friends and family are all that interested in what I do in any case.
Don’t even get me started on these people who share links from YouTube!
What an almighty waste of time! The videos might be informative or funny, but there are bugs in those videos, you know. They infiltrate your computer and can eventually get into your home heating system, via Wifi “channels”. It messes up the entire electrical system.
What are your key recommendations for sucking at networking! Any pet hates? Any useful tips?
(Continuing with the theme of sarcasm..) If someone asks you what you do, who you would like to be talking to or who could help with your future business plans – make sure you tell them, but whatever you do, NEVER under any circumstances take an interest in what it is they do/want. After all, everyone is out there to help you, why on earth would you want to help them grow their business???
Haha, Matthew! Hilarious! Sarcasm must run in the family! Classic one this. People talking all about themselves without ever taking an interest in others. *Deep sigh!*
On the serious side, there is a huge amount to be gained from sharing in both directions. Self-disclosure promotes a deeper relationship and understanding of what people do. And, often you can discover shared interests, contacts and ideas, which can spark further conversations. Self-disclosure and allowing others to do the same, is essential for getting beyond, “So what do you do then?”.
Be part of a wee “clique” at each event – it’s great to have people to exchange knowing glances with – intimidates all those other pesky people who aren’t “in the know”. After all – they’re just out to steal all our business, aren’t they?
Oo, good one, Elaine! Almost makes you feel like you’re back at school! This seems to be a problem when you join any established networking group. People know people and it’s always easier to avoid talking to newbies.
By becoming that person who looks out for newbies, even if you’re relatively new yourself, you become the friendly face in the room, and that attracts those who’re looking to connect.