I’m OK, You’re an Introvert

Posted by Allen Baird, Partner on Nov 30, 2009 in confidence | 5 comments

True story.  A colleague told me recently about how they conducted psychological profiles for people in a workplace team.  When one of the participants found out that she was classified as as an introvert, she broke down in tears.  An introvert?  The shame of it all!  Pass the paper hankies…

It was interesting to listen to some celebrities whose personality traits were analyzed for a BBC test.  First off, since when did Evan Davis and Jo Whiley rise to celebrityhood?  Second and importantly, most of them displayed the usual hit-and-miss understanding of what extroversion means.  One claims she was an extrovert because she was a ‘risk-taker’; another that she knew she was introverted because she was ‘quiet and shy’.  Er, no.

People, I blog to you today with a message of liberation.  It’s OK to be an introvert!  There is nothing wrong with you if you are an introvert.  You do not require fixing.  Let me explode the myths.

Myth #1 – Introverts are loners who therefore are more likely to be psychopathic serial-killers.

WRONG!  Introverts may have a smaller circle of friends in a quantitative sense but that just means they possess a more qualitative perspective.  Numbers aren’t everything for an introvert.

Myth #2 – Introverts are passive pushovers who lack assertive behaviour.

WRONG!  Assertiveness is a set of communication skills that enables a person to express their feelings in a clear and direct manner.  It is personality independent.  And anyway, assertiveness is not the same as being a bolshy big-mouth who can’t shut up.

Myth #3 – Introverts are simply shy i.e. lacking in self-confidence to the point of timidity.

WRONG!  Introverts may choose solitary over social activities by preference, whereas shy people avoid social encounters out of fear.

So what is introversion?  Standard dictionary definitions take us some way.  “Introversion is the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life.”  Underline that phrase interested in.  It doesn’t mean limited to or trapped by.  It means that introverts tend to find aspects of the internal world more easily and naturally engaging than aspects of the external world.  It’s a matter of taste.

My favourite understanding of introversion goes back to the person who invented the term – Carl Jung.  Jung originally coined the terms in an attempt to describe the extremes of how people gain their psychic energy.  Psychological energy just means the mental energy someone has to think about things.  It has nothing to do with Eastern or New Age notions of spiritual energy.  Here’s how Wikipedia puts it.

“If a person’s psychic energy usually flows outwards then he or she is an extrovert, while if the energy usually flows inwards, the person is an introvert.  Extroverts feel an increase of perceived energy when interacting with a large group of people, but a decrease of energy when left alone.  Conversely, introverts feel an increase of energy when alone, but a decrease of energy when surrounded by a large group of people.”

Or, as a more recent writer put it:

“Introverts are like a rechargeable battery. They need to stop expending energy and rest in order to recharge. Extroverts are like solar panels that need the sun to recharge. Extroverts need to be out and about to refuel.”

I’m an introvert as you may have guessed.  And this understanding makes good sense to me.  Even when I’m hanging with by best friends or training an excellent group, I can still feel my batteries running down.  I need time alone to get them charged up again.  Plus, I never get bored by myself.  But I know people who are the opposite.  Spending time alone bores, agitates and even stresses them.  They need to be talking, walking, playing, traveling, cooking, eating, making, working (you get the picture) all the time! To me, that is real extroversion, not someone who likes company or shows enthusiasm. Who doesn’t, in some way, to some degree?

And that’s my final point.  Pure introversion and pure extroversion are extremes on a spectrum.  All of us are somewhere in between.  And exactly where we are on the continuum might alter over our lifetime, or even (like me) over the course of a day.  So don’t blame yourself or cage yourself in with these types.  Think of ways to use them to your advantage! And whatever you do, don’t cry over it!

Take the test here.

Image credit: alamosbasement.