How to be Interesting
In the course of an everyday conversation, many people are bored out their trees (as we say around here). There are a lot of dull people out there. Maybe you’re scared you’re one of them. Or maybe you’re one of them but don’t know it.
People’s heads are full of rubbish when it comes to this topic. They think that in order to be interesting they have to become a cross between Oscar Wilde and a stand-up comedian. This assumption is false. Here are the facts.
People make two mistakes in conversation: they either talk too little or too much. There is a common cause to these two symptoms. In both cases the person speaking focuses on themselves rather than the person they’re talking to.
A good conversationalist is someone who focuses on the other person rather than themselves. Dale Carnegie suggested (at least) three principles behind this:
(1) Become genuinely interested in other people.
(2) Encourage others to talk about themselves.
(3) Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Great advice, true, but Carnegie failed to map out how exactly we do these things. Here are my suggestions.
1. Become a good listener. Listening is the best way to show that you are paying attention. This does NOT mean sitting back and saying nothing! “Active listening” is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, to try and understand the total message being sent.
2. Use your own body language and gestures to convey the message that you are listening. Nod occasionally. Smile and use other facial expressions. Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like ‘yes’, and ‘uh-huh’.
3. Show you are truly interested in someone by asking questions. People find ice-breaking questions the hardest. Start with open-ended questions such as, ‘Tell me about your…’ or ‘How did you…’. Then follow-up with, ‘Why?’, ‘How did it happen?’, and, ‘What happened there?’
4. Pay total attention to the person you’re speaking to. Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Look at the speaker directly. Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal. Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.
Now, look deeply into this screen and repeat after me:
If I want to be interesting, then I must become interested.
If you need encouragement in your quest, remember these wise and true words from Dale Carnegie himself.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
